Jan 12

Photos from today: 

Breakfast: nuffing

Lunch: TJ's subs POG (corned beef sandwich)

Dinner: une salad

Feelings: went to campus today. did not miss it at ALL. it was sort of lonely driving by myself and i was hella scared, but i'm sort of a pog driver now and it was sort of relaxing to just vibe to music i like. i then went to return hayden's broken vacuum and saw these really pretty flowers at whole foods. i almost bought the bouquet for myself. i went with hayden after he got off work to get sandwiches from this really cute mom and pop shop. the sandwiches are pretty good, pretty ordinary, but supporting the older couple who runs it is so uwu. we picked up yaya because she was practicing late for singing valentines, and then we went home. i had class, and then i ate dinner with fam and then went to hang with hayden. i talked to him about my insecurities and about jealousy and how i feel like i'm just not interesting as a person. i told him about being jealous of his mentee, and we came to the conclusion that i am jealous of people who i feel don't make an effort to be nice to me, which i think is true. we also concluded that things would be a lot better for me if we lived together, and he asked if i wanted to sleep over. i tried asking mom, but she was really against the idea :( i guess i'll just have to wait until i'm on my own again. overall, i'm really thankful for hayden and that he still deals with me and my bouts of insecurity and jealousy. hayden, i promise you that i really want to improve and will improve, but it's going to take some time. for that, i'm sorry. anyways, it felt really good to just let out the feelings i had built up inside of me, and i think my reluctance to share these feelings had caused me to just explode and be emotional for the past couple of days because i didn't know how to handle it anymore. anyways, things are a lot better now, and i am just so in love.