Jan 13

Photos of today: 

Breakfast: nothing

Lunch: nothing

Dinner: tofu and kale

Feelings: today was hard. i basically sat at home doing work all day for myself and to help hayden in his research, and i also went to target to buy cerave eye cream because my undereyes have been hella dry for no mf reason. the audacity. after hayden got off work, he picked me up to pick up yaya. i got hurt in the car for no reason because hayden said i looked prettier without makeup. i know it was a compliment, but i don't know why i decided to be so sensitive. yaya and i had to do a car opening course because we "don't open doors correctly," and then this is when things got bad. hayden and i were trying to one up insults to each other, and then he said that i was bigger than him. i know it wasn't the most terrible thing to say, but it cut really deep, especially since i have been going through a really hard time in my relationship to my body. he apologized and knew that he made a mistake right after he said it, but i was really hurt. i was then even more upset because he said that that's how he would talk with his friends and it made me feel like he couldn't be himself around me. we talked it out and set some boundaries for talking to each other, and things are resolved now. i got insecure though and wanted to gym, but my membership is technically expired and it's risky to sneak me in and also hayden said i wasn't in the right mindset, so i had to gym at home by doing cardio workout. it was okay, and it felt good to move around. i then put together outfits to procrastinate on doing my LS23L paper. anyways, i need to learn to love myself more and to really think about my feelings before i start to cry and get really emotional. i think it'll be better for everyone. 

2:00 AM: finally going to sleep because i just finished LS23L writing assignment I. good riddance.