Jan 15

Photos from today:

Breakfast: nothing

Lunch: nothing? i guess some strawberries

Dinner: some lunasia food. a little bit of sticky rice wrap, rice pork wraps, custard, and veg 

Feelings:

woke up to go to chinatown to get jade bracelet but we ended up not going and went to cotton on instead. got a shirt, and yaya got a vest and shorts. then went home and vibed and then went out to charge with hayden and ranson and rana and nurella. kind of was sad bc ama and agong and jojo and joma and the kids all have covid and i was worried for them.

5:15: hi i just want to cry right now. idk why im so sad, but i am. i really don’t want to eat dinner. i really don’t want to eat anything. i just want to sleep. i don’t want to bother hayden though because he’s out with friends and i don’t want to make him upset again. so i’ll let him know when im done. but im just listening to sad music and laying in the dark. i really need to get help. i don’t think i’ve gone more than two days without sinking back into a dark place. i don’t know what to do. so im just writing it out. hopefully sometime in the future, i can look back on these times and feel free of all of this. i wish it was the future right now. i wish i could just be okay all the time again. i wish i could like myself. i wish i didn’t get jealous and insecure. i wish i was confident in my abilities. i wish i was proud of myself. i wish i could see myself how others see me. i wish i felt worthy of love.

(btw hayden called me later and comforted me and i facetimed simba to feel better)